The Heavens are calling...

Lately, the changing colours of the sky have begun to fascinate me, the brilliant optimistic blues contrasting with the mysterious deep blues in the evening sky are simply ethreal.

The colours of the sky are more different during the rainy season than otherwise, try observing that. Its as if the sky's getting a good spring cleaning these days :)

When doves cry...

Prince's song has inspired me to write a few lines to what i think what its like when doves cry...

when the fight's all gone out of you...
when all that remains are ashes and feathers of the dance of life

when the cry of an innocent embeds itself in your soul
you cry, you laugh, both at the same time, knowing no one can hear you
wishing that someone would

when you watch yourself in the mirror as you cry
amused at how distorted your face can look

when dreams change or when you have no more
no wish to dream anymore
no new paths to create

melancholy sets in
creativity dies
desires melt away

distant dreams remain so
life is nowhere close to what you imagined it would be

what's happening to me?
am i dying a new death?
living a new life?

is this how it is when doves cry?

Engaged to be married...

Nobody ever told me about this, i wasn't prepared for the force of it. In a second, a decision changed my life, my outlook, life as i knew it would never be the same again.

The catalyst for change i'm talking about is marriage. No, i'm not married. My current status is 'semi-married', and if there isn't such a term, well, i just created it, because i'm experiencing it! Hence this state exists.

I am engaged to a wonderful person, our wedding date is set for dec 2007. People sometimes smirk and say, "you won't be able to hold out for that long...have you ever heard of a year long engagement in our culture?" The culture in question here is punjabi. Anyway, my point is, i couldn't agree more with those snide remarks, but my reasons are vastly different.

The day our wedding date was set, i realised that no decision regarding my wedding would be based on my approval. All details from my wedding dress to the venue would be based on practicality and convenience. If i favoured a plan, it will be ditched, because whatever the youngest (spolied come automatically to my mind here) daughter wants, can't be practical.

So anyway, i have given up all decisions regarding the wedding plans keeping in mind that what's more significant is the fact that i get to spend the rest of my life with someone i cherish (i hear more snide remarks coming my way).

A lot is changing, the family that i loved, the aunts, everyone is suddenly on the attack, filled with a volley of advice that they constanlty hurl at me in shifts, "don't buy a new wedding outfit, use my daughters one, she got married in 1995", to things like, "keep your fiance under your thumb, get to him to do only what you want", "don't show him your fondness for him, let him come begging to you", "Don't encourage him to drink". Well meaning advice??? I don't really think so.

I like beer, he likes beer. We drink something like once in two weeks, how can i discourage even that? Not show him how fond i am of him? Have him beg me all the time? Isn't that disrespectful to the one i love and have decided to marry? Keep him under my thumb? We usually agree on most things, and if we don't i'd respect that and he would respect my opinion and we'd try to work a middle path. If manipulating things is how i'd get my way around him, i'd rather be single.

Life was far more fun before parents got involved. Earlier it was okay to go out and watch a movie, once we were engaged, everyone became hyper for a while, but yes, now things are certainly better.

But trust me, if anyone ever decides to get married, and if you know the person well, do it in an instant and get minimum relatives involved. If you need a long engagement, then i pray that you have reasonably sane parents, who don't think you're making out each time their back is turned!

Mobile manners....

This is for the callers, there are some things that are largely being considered rude by the owners of cellphones, see if you agree with these:

1. When you recieve a call and don't want to talk for any reason (busy, or just busy!), you disconect the call, and the person keeps calling back! THAT IS RUDE.

Tip: Call once, if disconnected, the person has SEEN your call and is BUSY. He or she may or MAY NOT want to talk o you.

2. When you SMS someone especially during office hours (or any hours for that matter) and don't recieve a reply immediately, the reciever is NOT ignoring you! Not everyone is looking at their phones every one minute!

3. There is something known as SILENT MODE, which a lot of people use frequently. This means that when you call, and your call isn't answered right away, the reciever may have not seen your call. So leaving ten missed calls won't help.

Ofcourse, i tend to disobey these rules from time to time, but only with those people that i'm at liberty to. Everyone's attitude towards mobile phones should be, 'My mobile is for MY convenience - not for everyone else's'

And please, don't hold it against someone if they didn't return your call, its easy to forget, but yeah if it happening constantly, you may not be a priority.

I'm hoping a few tele-callers read these and when they do talk t me over the phone, they don't demand answers as to why i didn't take their calls. That's real rude. Cellphones are a good thing, but misuse and lack of respect for another person's privacy is increasingly being voilated.
People, i'd really like your comments and views on this.

Thanks

Gurgaon's fashion sense

Its neurotic at times...seriously speaking, this winter i was hoping to spot people in my lil hip village wearing sophisticated winter clothes...i was thinking tweed jackets and overcoats, chic business suits worn by the ladies. I did see some, but too few. What i did see in excess (which i didn't need to see, really) was a plethora of ugly u-pointed woollen caps. Moms, girls, boys, uncles, babies, puppies, everyone was wearing them!!! And then there was the enthusiastic but short-lived trend of the pointed red santa caps with a little white ball on the tip. It was being sold aplenty by the roadside, even the dhaba guys near the Convergys building were wearing them! Though that did look cute, as if they were trying to be festive in the grimy surrounds :) it did make me feel nice. But otherwise, it looked silly and overdone really.

Tip of the week:
This ugly thing i've noticed is applicable not only to the men and women of gurgaon but of delhi as well. Low rise jeans HAVE TO BE WORN WITH A BELT and the the belt must work!!! The unsightly things one can see when you're innocently bending and admiring something else, should be avoided! Please. This is a message in the interest of the public. Either wear high-rise undies or tight belts :P

Be Good :P

Wild West Delhi Women!!!

Uff! I hit my hand to my forehead even before i can begin telling you about this one! Last night was when my sweet lil cousin bro asked me to attend his friend's sangeet with him...i asked him where it was..."some five star" he said, i agreed and dressed to avoid the chill...a long overcoat, heels, and a nice black top.

Wait a minute, we missed something here, the 'five-star hotel' was in pitampura...oops! Anyway, 'how bad can it be? i thought? just a bunch of folks celebrating...and i get some daaru in my belly...what else could one ask for?', He missed telling me more, "My friend's a sardar", 'OH-KAY THEN!', Bracing myself for loud music and lotsa chicken we kept going, into the darkness of the night, through the ghettos...

The first thing that caught my eye when we entered was the sight of yellow fur...a human size canary was preening all over the place and had left her little trademarks a.k.a. little yellow feathers all over the chairs the stage, i'm sure everyone had a little feather on them sometime during the night...she was the groom to be's sister...hoo boy!

She was carrying a yellow feather stole...i mean can you believe it???? Her outfit was yellow, and if i could see her facial features, i'm sure her lips and eyes would be yellow too!!!

Just as i had enough time to adapt to her style of dressing...there passed by a whole parade of razzlers and dazzlers...or chamakchallos if you prefer...so much shiny stuff...not only on their outfits but on their faces and hair as well...i wonder if they've ever heard of the term, "inner glow" or "radiance"? To them these concepts would have reached as 10X the volume or shimmer..or whatever!

Then there were those aunties who were wearing revealing stuff...cross-backed fully embroidered outfits that did nothing for the way they looked...maybe it did for the way their husbands looked because all that jazz don't come for free!

In my last post on the dress sense of the men in west delhi, i think i overlooked the fact that women here dress weirdly as well...but why? Why can't you try and look beautiful instead of trashy? Why are the vamps of hindi daytime soaps your inspiration? Of which reminds me, this lady who was like in her late thrities had on a CLOTH PATCH on her back as a tattoo!!!

Yes!!! its TRUE!!! People actually do that in real life!!! This leads me to declaring Exta Kapoor and her natak paltan as a serious hazard to our comrades (i'm not socialist!) in west delhi...they need help...save em!!! Please!!!

After the rains...

Today the rains swept into our little town like an unexpected, but very welcome visitor! It was a sunny day but constant gusts of cool winds made it pleasant...just a hour back, the rain drummed upon the roofs of gurgaon, announcing its presence...the air was infused with the scent of silt...it was chilly, yet perfect!

Ms. Skeeter was with me, and just like the rain, she was a very sudden and very welcome visitor! We ate sweet potatoes from the street vendor as we marched up back into the haven of the mall...the scents from body shop au naturel products pleasantly lingering on to us...aah days as beautiful as this are hard to come by...it was perfect :)

thank god for small blessings :)

Gurgaon at Dusk

Whatever i could capture while driving...!

Today...

Today was the worst of all days...never felt this low...even when things were bad...i never let myself feel so bad...but today, i did.

I had to go attend a class but on my way i changed my mind, bought two ultramilds and began, yet again driving aimlessly with stupid truck drivers staring and honking...

I don't know why but after such a long time i feel compelled to smoke again, i feel like i can't handle things, or i don't want to in a rational manner. Anyway after one and a half hours of driving i decided to visit a lil cafe on arjun marg called sweet obsession.

I just wanted to be alone so in the middle of my second chai this really nice looking man who i assumed, was having his late lunch at 3pm said hello...i responded.

He said, "you're looking sad today..."
"Yeah...we all have our days i guess.."
He came over and sat at my table...His name was David, an american from San Fransisco...he's a spiritual tur guide who comes to India twice a year with an entire group of people...they go to places like rishikesh and calcutta...he lives life on the principles of parmahansa yoginanda...we talked about a lot of things except why i was sad, because that disappeared the moment the conversation began.

I've never spoken so freely with a stranger before but it felt nice.

I had to get up and leave, and though it had been a nice time chatting...we didn't exchange any contact information because i guess we both knew that in life people come and go, what's important is the one moment you share with happiness sans give or take...

It was a lovely afternoon mr. david, i hope you'll always be the smiling cheerful person that you are. You made me feel better.

Thanks!

Pillons and Pops

To whomever it may concern (though it should be of grave concern to anyone who's ever sat in a vehicle or has a family, so basically, its everyone),

I would like to express my concern for families with 2.5 members or more. Families that cannot afford four wheel transport and rely mostly on two wheels to transport them from anywhere to anywhere.

Little babies balanced precariously on the arms of a waiflike mother who is also trying her best not to let her saree come undone, the handbag, the heavy poly bag with maybe the day's groceries, the baby is almost lost.

I don't care about the groceries or the poly bags, what i do care about are the babies. The future, our future. You know, this callousness in terms of every aspect of child care in India pisses me off BIG TIME!

We show clear disregard for a child's safety, yet if chunnu wants an extra chocolate (yes chunnu is a boy), chunnu shall get it! And not because he has earned it either...that much is pretty clear even to chunnu, he has a weener, so he figures that little people with weeners get pretty much what they want.

A note to all reading this, i know this is not true for a lot of educated families rich or poor, my mail is purely targetted at people who are sleep walking their lives away, and in this case, in terms of child care.

So, back to the point, my question to you is, WOULD HAVE A CHILD IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO OWN AND SUSTAIN A CAR? MUCH LESS A WIFE? (wife part is a different story, many budgets to choose from!) anyway, back to my question, would you?

Do you think its fair to bring a child in this world if you can't even bother to learn how to hold your infant properly?

My personal take on this would be this, before having a child, i would need sensitivity and a great deal of it directed at my baby's needs before i can even concieve the IDEA of having one!

Then comes in the money part, desire always preceeds the means so finances are a close second. I know this stuff might sound elementary to most of you, but nobody ever talks about it...i wonder if anyone ever thinks about this stuff...

I would like a bill to be passed that bans pillon riders from piling up, i.e. not 2.5 people, but a maximum of 2. No third child standing in the front while papaji goes from karol bagh till baljeet nagar...

Please let me know your views on this

he listens as i speak of the oceans
my words ebb and flow like waves
the tide hasn't yet arrived.

I am afraid of baring my soul
he hasn't yet, i don't know if he ever will.

today i let down my pride
told him my troubles then bitterly cried.
found this hard to do.
sometimes life feels so overwhelming.

this is how i can reach out i guess.
i dont know, hope it all works out for the best.
really wish i could tell him all openly so he could comfort me but i couldn't,

looks like life's gonna be one unexpected ride.

A slice of heaven

I took this picture at 8:45 am today. Didn't know that the haze would affect the lighting and make it look like early pm. I love the effect though. Its gorgeous. Seems like a still from heaven :)

Today I just let the words flow ceaselessly, no ‘topic’ on my mind here…its like what the wise have been saying…stay in the moment, focus on it and you will enjoy life a lot more…just trying to incorporate that I guess J

Life is so difficult at times and its then that one learns to enjoy it…right now life is hard, my career is getting a serious start…I’m at that age when I can’t escape and say, “oh, I’ll work later…I’m bored of my job”, not a princess anymore J though I do want to own an empire…so queen’s more like it ;)

Nowhere to run or escape to, this is what makes me feel more grown-up…and when you face shit at work you without thought try to pass it onto others, making it a bad environment for everyone to work in…I stopped myself just in time and corrected that so I’m happy…

The one thing through my struggles I will not give up is the good in me. The person who is an idealist. I won’t stop believing in people and the miracles that they can achieve because if I or you stop doing that and become people who ‘know it all’ then we can’t go too far and we won’t be much fun to hang around with…

Our lives our enriched by people and people are complicated. They cause more troubles than ease at times and yet, life without each other would be bland…so before we complain or put someone down, we should think for a second as to how that person really contributes to anyone or anything…maybe that would make us more tolerable people, people who are sophisticated in a truer sense of the word.

We have forgotten to take a moment before we speak, think or act…life could be a lot worse…remember that, and smile for all the nice things you have in your life Today.

of mallika sherawats and roadside dhabas...in true haryanvi style!

Today, of all days was romantic yet hectic...i wish cellphones could be switched off without having to hear the other person complaining as to why or how could you do such an unfair thing to them. To them??? hah.

I had a date, in three parts, on the same day! The day started with me visiting cocoa cola's office (i NEVER consume aerated drinks no matter what they say!) then i met up with cute punjabi guy to watch pyaar ke side effects, barring the irritant phone calls, the movie was brilliant...okay, maybe not brilliant, but entertaining for sure!

Mallika sherawat was...well, pure mallika, outright, bold, unafraid of being wrong...and mr. bose, seems to have lost his intellectual superiority complex which is a welcome change! This was one coupling i was dying to see! And guess what! It paid off!

Then in the spirit of the true haryanvi, we headed off in the general direction of well, haryana! Basically, we stopped way before the toll booth on NH 8 but the drive was nice, there was quite an interesting scattering of people & sights to see...like a little girl in a salwar kameez outside a tea stall, squatting on the roadside and scrubbing the tea pan with all her might....a white chevrolet parked beside a hut in a farmland and a few prosperous looking farmers sitting around and discussing things with an air of pride and respect...a look that i rarely see on people's faces any more...

Finally, after rejecting a dhaba because of its dismal air, we were able to find one which was perfect, because a) We were the only patrons, b) the propreitor had planted some white flowers in small rectangles spaced evenly from each other which made it look dreamy and happy...there were also two very interesting looking rooms made entirely of bamboo sticks one was called the VIP room simply because it had a fan, and the second one was called a family room, though why a family would want to sit there evades me.

Anyway, sitting there in the setting sun watching the highway traffic speed past and a cool breeze playing with us, the setting couldnt have been better! Ofcourse the chai was yummy, i could'nt believe that a dhaba would serve tea with such little amounts of sugar...the pakoras were good too, but right now my tummy's started complaining mildly...let's hope all is well until tomorrow!

We parted ways at 8 and a hour later as i went out for an after dinner walk, we met again! I'm not one for taking risks at all, they scare me...

But it was surely worth taking, and i'm so glad he didnt insist on making me stay for a little while longer...I ran back home like a 'fraidy rabbit when we said goodbye...

Life is being sweet to me again!

Its been a beautiful day :)

Good night!

Wine & Tonino...

Sounds like the perfect evening? Yes it was! A little walk through a cobbled and lit passage way that delicately threaded its way through a garden, a lovely cool evening breeze beckoning us to stay outdoors and yet, we could'nt help but step inside the welcoming, dimly lit interiors of tonino...

We asked to be seated at the waiting area for drinks preceeding dinner because well, it was beautifully lit with big candles and the sofas were very comfy.

For a woman, it was a perfect place because everything there was a compliment, the flickering candle lights, the music, the fragrance, the courtesy...yes, it makes you a romantic even if you're not.

And trust me, i was smitten :)

The music was a cross between swing jazz (some of it latin) and some romantic songs, none of the variety that you might have heard a zillion times before. Infact, it seemed like it had been handpicked by someone with a great love for music and the place because it complemented both.

The lighting was a key factor to enjoying the place. Dont ever go there if you're in a hurry, its perfect for 4-hour lunches or even dinner for that matter and the authentic fire heated oven makes for interesting viewing :)

Coming to the food...it was yummy. You won't love it right away, nope, especially not if your taste buds have been spoilt by butter chicken and dal makhani or even spaghetti makhani (which is what you'll get in most food courts!). No, this is a place where you need to taste with your senses, all of em!

The smell of freshly ground pepper, the authentic sun dried sour tomatoes...the taste of extra virgin olive oil and a glass of red wine (in this case, two :) )...very sensual...

Yes, i've hopelessly fallen for a place that's run the way i'd like to run my own restaurant!

Oprah says, God is in the details, at Tonino, i couldnt agree more, even the walk to the ladies room was a pleasure, the layout of the washrooms was something like a maze that the aztecs contrived.

It was a pleasure, and even more so with the person who introduced me to it :) thank you, i can't do it enough!

United Coffee House

Okay, so here we were the bpt gang at CP...wondering where to go before our minds produced a big '0' like the place...

"United coffee house!" i said...tiny said, "why?"

dd said "okay" (poor guy, didnt know what he just agreed to...

i said, (in my best whiny, traumatised, deprived kid voice) "well because as a kid, i've always wanted to go there!"...

they didnt have a choice but to comply..hehe...

Honestly though, i have always wanted to go there...i thought that the day i would, i'd be alone and i would be this gorgeous mysetyreious 30 something sipping...well maybe not a cosmo, but let's settle for...an old monk with coke! And i'd be all alone and people would look at me and wonder, "who is she?"

Yes i have strange fantasies, and trust me as you get to know me, they just get quirkier! But anyhow, here we were, the three of us, i, looking nowhere close to the mysterious lonesome lady...and thankfully, not close to my 30s yet...the place was packed and the crowd could be segregated into two groups:

a. the leering politician types
b. the relatively decent and non-leering politician types

The three of us were marched up to the first floor and seated next to some leering types who thankfully, i could not see from my vantage point. Tiny could, and she was upset...

We ordered some chai and samosas (which i hated) and some sandwiches (which i liked)...i loved pouring the tea from the tea pot and figuring out how to use em tea bag strainers...i love pouring milk into tea water...when the milky colour bursts into a bright tan, it looks so happy! :)

Anyway, in refusing my childhood fantasy of this place being crushed, i commented, "you know! this feels like a girls meal out, just like sex and the city, except that dd's a guy and well, sex is off limits, " i grinned.

They both sighed in unison and ignored me, i swear sometimes i feel like this overtly talkative kid in their company whose grown up mates ignore him/her and then i just sipped my tea in silence....

anyway, point is, i still somehow liked the place because it has the distinct flavour of delhi in it, impersonally busy, lots of politics (alongwith the dunhills, its pretty much in the air!)...the food and the service reminds me of the chelmsford club, slow distracted yet things somehow manage to get done!

I loved it, and i'm going there again, maybe in my older woman garb! :P

see you there!

men and fashion and west delhi!

Yes, if you combine these three things i.e. men, fashion and west delhi, what you have my friends, is a receipie for disaster!

imagine this, tight red sleevless t-shirt, hairy skinny arms, a belt with a buckle bigger than...oh well...you cant blame one for being ambitious! You get the drift! If you witness all this on one person, you've just met the West Delhi Man! He has an obvious accent (british or american, we're still figuring out!), a big car, big wallet, a big mouth complemented by a bigger ego....

When one is subjected to such glaring 'fashion' , one wonders what happened to good old classic dressing? Men in tuxedoes, or if casual, then simply in classic colours? A girl looking for her prince charming would be greatly disillusioned if she originally envisioned him in a white ralph lauren shirt and classic blue levi's. If that very combination were to emerge on a man from West delhi (somehow), the first five buttons would be undone to reveal an obviously shaved chest (yes, stubble shows there as well!!!), and maybe pointed toe shoes with metallic tips and oodles of gel and an overdose of Eternity....

i'm gasping for breath already! But the thing that discerns these men from the rest (read: boring, regular men!) is large bottoms that are stuffed into jeans or trousers, two sizes too small! yep, the effect? Something a packing and moving expert would take two hours to stuff in a bag, and everything below the waist looks as though its been 'ballooned'. It worked for Marlyin guys, sorry, its clearly not working for you!

Coming to the gait, well, think feigned nonchalance crossed with bulging bottoms oscillating rhythymically to a precise beat...

As critical as it may sound, what's being really targetted here is the reflection of an attitude. An attitude that is passe, it needs to GO. Dudes, your women are far prettier and deserve way better, dont you think its time something changed?

In this Moment.

As I run barefoot over the sun kissed sand
Alone, free and totally happy...
As the sea breeze caresses my face, lovingly
engulfing me with serenity...

As the first drop of rain falls onto my face...
Bringing with it the secrets of the oceans..
Their stormy stories, swept up by passion..
All contained in a little diamond drop that traveled travelled thus far
Makes a small trip further still, from cheek to jaw...
Filling me with wonder and awe, at all that its been through
Rising from the depths of the seas...to tell me tales of afar...

I lift my head up to the skies and think once again...
How grateful I am, to live a life so rich, so coloured with joy...
Deepened by sorrow, enhanced by the senses

Life is so wonderful, i'm just getting to understand its effersevent essences!

The Red Pickup Truck

I see a long winding road in the countryside, the way you would if you were in a helicopter. Fields, radiant with golden yellow harvests and right there, in the middle of it all, a bright red pickup truck making its way along the snake-like road. I watch from the skies. Having risen long ago from this world, I keep coming back to be with my daughter. The girl driving the red pickup.

I see her face, radiant, yet her eyes are vacant. My ‘absence’ has made them so. On the radio plays a song. Our morning song. It cheered us up. She hums it absently, believing she is alone. If only she knew…